Wet-Nap, Moist Towelette
by Jebus Son of God
Summary: I was born in cicago. My mother is Barbara. Milk. Jebus. Fridgidaires. Elves. Fire.


Wet-Nap, Moist Towelette  
  
By: Jebus: Son of God  
  
Rated: PG-13  
  
Summary: I was born in cicago. My mother is Barbara.  
  
Disclaimer: Spread beaver: showing the vaginal area. My name is Lucifer, please take my hand. Whos the goose?! Who wants to win a Frigidaire?  
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One day, Dana was taking a walk in the lollipop forest. Her shoes were mini-Frigidaires. when she was in the forest she encountered a pack of wild Amannas. They farted and farted until she suffocated, cutting off oxygen to her brain and causing her to faint.   
  
Of course, the Ammanas were very curious of this strange creature. Since they were wild, they really had no contact with humans before. They crawled to her body, playing with her hair and poking at her eyes and picking boogies out of her nose. One of them ate a boogie, and loved it. He told the others about his find, and they all started picking her nose, looking for the new food.  
  
They collected many boogies and stored them in their large Frigidaire. They had collected enough yummy food to last them the winter!  
  
Meanwhile, Mulder was busy in his office playing with a Rubik's cube. He lieked milk. He also lieked sex and the womens. He spoke the English and the German. He lieked Chesney Hawks.  
  
Mulder put down the Rubik's cube and went to the refrigerator to get some milk. When he tried to open it, it attacked him. The milk was named Superimposed Photo, and lieked to dance all night at Studio 54. Superimposed Photo was quite sinister, though, because he was not WHOLE. He was skim. Therefore, it was his destiny to attack and destroy really stupid human beings like one Fox Mulder.  
  
Superimposed Photo ran over to Mulder's desk and grabbed a letter opener.   
  
"I shall murder you, pansy boy! Strudel! Ahhhhh!", he yelled as he ran at him.  
  
"NOOOO!!!!!!" yelled Scully from the doorframe. "He's the father of my child! Please don't destroy him!!!" But Superimposed Photo did not pay attention to the poor little booger-less redhead.  
  
He looked over at Scully, grinned and evil grin, and stabbed Mulder with the letter opener.   
"Oh well", said Scully. "I think I'll go eat some ice cream now."  
  
Superimposed Photo grinned another evil grin said,   
"But Scully, wouldn't you like to drink me? Got milk? Yes, you do. Please, drink me."   
Scully could not give in to his hypnotic voice.   
"I will drink you", she said in a monotone. "I liek milk very much. I liek you very much. I will drink you."  
  
Superimposed Photo laughed an evil laugh. "Yesss... drink me, Lover Muffin..." Lover Muffin, AKA Scully, did a Crazyboobyrainbow dance, and then walked over to Superimposed Photo and drank and drank and drank, until there was no more! Then her vision started getting fuzzy.  
  
Right before she fainted once again she mumbled "Limp... Bizkit... sucks." Then the Amannas walked in looking for more boogies. But there were none, and it made them very angry. They shook their booties in rage and shouted vulgar stuff in their unique Amanna language. They were going to burn her at the stake, but then there was a bright flash! They ducked and covered, just as you should if the atomic bomb ever went off.  
  
Out of the light Jebus appeared. He banished the evil Amannas to hell forever. He then picked Scully up off the ground. He fed her magical ranch corn nuts, and she opened her eyes.  
  
"Jebus... Jebus, is that you??" She asked. He nodded in a very holy manner. "Wow, so I was right all along. You do exist!" Jebus shook his righteous booty and freed the human race from suffering. Haha, no he didn't. But he DID make a bottle of coke appear on the desk.   
  
"Thank you Jebus, thank you ever so much." Jebus just nodded, and pointed over to Mulder. He had risen from the dead! "See, Mulder? Jebus DOES exist! You stupid atheist!" He looked at her with confuse. "Spread beaver?"  
  
"Showing the vaginal area!", she screamed as she ran over to him. As soon as she got over to him he collapsed. Scully checked to see if he was breathing, but he wasn't. A sly smile started to form on Jebus' face.  
  
"What? What the hell was the point of THAT, Timmy?" she asked. "Don't call me that," Jebus replied. Scully nodded. "Okily dokily, son of god."  
  
Jebus started laughing an evil, high pitched laugh. The room started to get hot, and flames appeared around him. He let out a screech and turned into Satan: Not the Son of God.  
  
Scully gasped. "DONNIE PFASTER!!!! NOOOOO!!!!!!" Superimposed Photo laughed. "I'm Satan's accomplice! Other accomplice, I mean... second to Rupaul."  
  
Scully tried to run, but her legs just wouldnt work. She fell down on her face and farted. Her fart caught on fire, and the it quickly spread around the room.  
  
"Shit!" She yelled as she tried to pull Mulder's corpse to safety. He was just too damn heavy because he was fat and stupid. So she reluctantly left him there and ran out of the FBI building. The fire in the building had spread quickly and now all of D.C. was in danger of this lethal fart fire.  
  
She tried to get to her car, but it had already caught on fire. The flames started to surround her. Suddenly another bright light appeared in the sky. "Is this the real Jebus?!", she wondered. She truly hoped it was. The power of Jebus compels you, yes it does. Praise the lorda!   
  
The light carried her up into the sky and she landed softly on a fluffy cloud. Then a magical elf appeared before her and told her that she was in magic pixie land. She raised her eyebrow. "How high am I??"  
  
"You are way up high in heaven, silly!", the elf exclaimed. "So that means I'm... dead?", Scully asked. "Yes, yes you are.", he replied.  
  
"Jebus Christ!" she exclaimed. "Yeah, he's here too." the elf said.  
  
"I want to visit Santa!" said Scully. "Santa's dead," said the elf. "But... then where's my pony? And shouldn't be Mulder here as well?" She asked. "No, no, child. Mulder is a stupid jerk. He's down THERE..." the elf said, pointing down. Scully nodded sadly.  
  
"Can... you please bring him up here? Please?", she asked. "No", said the elf. "But we can put you down there!!", he said as he pulled a lever.  
  
She fell down, screaming. Her dress (yes, she's wearing a dress you stupid homos) fluffied up like Marilyn and her panties showed. She didn't mind though cuz she liked being the center of attention. Not like anyone noticed her flowery panties though, cuz she was falling fast! She landed with a thud in evil fire satan eternal suffering land.  
  
But they did have a Beauty Pretty Gorgeous Nail Salon, so she decided this place was alright.  
  
She looked and looked for her "precious darling" (heh, rrright) partner, and when she found him she gave him a manicure! Then forced him to brush her hair. They had a lovely slumber party. Then a midget pooped on both of their heads and they lived in eternal suffering because they couldn't get the smell of poo off of their bodies. Not even tomato juice worked. Those poor kids. The end. 


End file.
